How not to travel like a local

Crowds Admiring the David, Florence, Italy, June, 2017.


Go off the beaten path? Nah. Who knows what you’ll discover.

It’s much better to take the path more traveled. There is safety in numbers.

Tourists photograph The Birth of Venus, Florence, Italy, June, 2017. Photo by Vivian Farmer.


Big numbers.

People crowd the duomo in Venice, Italy, June, 2017. Photo by Vivian Farmer.

Lot’s and lot’s of numbers. Hell, you might as well have so many numbers that you couldn’t get away from your tour group if you tried.

It’s clear. You want the “only sort of authentic” experience, because why try something new when you already know what you like?

Here’s a little guidance on how best to not travel like a local.


Eggs. Stick to eggs. You should be able to find eggs served in a way that resembles American food right outside of your hotel in the tourist district you’re staying in. Even better, check inside your hotel. They might be able to bring an American breakfast to your door. Score! You don’t have to step foot outside until your prearranged tour starts!

Site Seeing

Go to all the biggest things that cost the most. Bigger is always better and if it costs a lot, it must be good. Definitely don’t divert from the main path. Going off the main path is how you get lost, lose all your possessions, and have a horrible time. Or so I’m told.


#tradition #italianmcdonalds #foreignmcdonalds

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Bring a lot of power bars or else you might have to try new food. If you’re forced to try a new restaurant, go where the entire menu is in English and the waiters all speak English. McDonalds is another good choice. Just be careful! Even McDonalds is different in some countries.


Time to go back to your hotel room! Your hotel has the only 2 things you need for a great evening: air conditioning and television. You might even be able to see the sunset from your room.


Since you’re already in the hotel room, you should get hotel food. There’s no point in wandering around the city, looking for something “authentic.” Authentic could mean weird or something you’ve never had before and don’t know if you like it. Better to stick with what you already know!

If, for some odd reason, the above tips don’t sound like the way you want to travel, then keep up with the crew’s stories, tips, and recommendations. We love to travel like locals.